Sheena Hemens on Getting Through Hard Times With Courage and Grace
- Stephanie Rumble
- Apr 17
- 13 min read
Updated: Apr 19
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In this episode of the Bright Red podcast, host and fashion stylist Stephanie Rumble sits down with Christchurch businesswoman Sheena Hemens for a deeply personal conversation about getting through hard times. From navigating cultural identity as a woman with a cross-cultural background in the UK, to building and losing businesses, to the devastating loss of her daughter — Sheena shares her story with raw honesty and remarkable warmth.
It's a conversation about bereavement, resilience, and what it really takes to keep going when life strips everything away. As Sheena reveals, the journey of overcoming adversity is rarely a straight line — but there is always a way forward.
Finding Belonging as a Woman With a Cross-Cultural Background
Sheena Hemens was born in London to Sri Lankan parents who emigrated to the UK in the 1950s. Wanting to protect their children, her parents chose not to teach them about their heritage. Instead, they raised them to be "as English as possible."
Her mother was an elocution teacher, so Sheena spoke well, dressed like everyone else, and attended the same schools. But there was one thing she couldn't hide — her skin colour. Growing up as the only brown person in the room, she struggled with belonging and was bullied throughout childhood.
That sense of being different followed her into her marriage to an army officer and eventually to New Zealand, where she has now lived for 30 years. These early experiences shaped the resilience she would later draw on during the hardest chapter of her life.
Women Supporting Women in Business
Sheena spent her first 12 years in New Zealand as a stay-at-home mum. When her marriage ended, she needed to find her own path. She took a role at an investment bank, where she met a well-known Christchurch businesswoman who believed in her and encouraged her to go out on her own.
That woman became her first client. Sheena credits that moment as a turning point — proof that women supporting women in business can change the entire trajectory of a career. Without that push, she may never have taken the leap.
She launched her own PR and marketing business in 2010, and it quickly became her foundation for the years ahead. It's a reminder that women in business have the power to change each other's lives simply by believing in one another.
The Christchurch Earthquake Rebuild
In February 2011, the Christchurch earthquake devastated the city. Like everyone around her, Sheena was caught in the grief and loss that followed. But she made a choice — stay and help rebuild, rather than leave.
Her marketing business became deeply involved in the Christchurch earthquake rebuild. She ran rebuild expos, helped small companies manage rapid growth, and worked at CERA as a marketing advisor on anchor projects.
It was a period of purpose and hard work. But it also laid the groundwork for what came next — a French restaurant, a new relationship, and eventually, a franchise dream that lockdown would shatter.
Maison de Crêpe and Business Closure
Sheena met a young French man during the rebuild years, and together they launched Maison de Crêpe in Christchurch. She designed the brand, wrote the recipes, trained the staff, and even sold her home to fund it.
The restaurant was successful. They expanded, and by early 2020 had two franchise contracts signed — one in Rangiora, one in Rolleston. Then COVID-19 hit. The hospitality industry was decimated. Customers stopped coming. Revenue dried up. The business closure came in April 2023.
Sheena was grieving the loss of her business and everything she had poured into it. She thought that was the worst thing that would happen that year. She was wrong.
Surviving the Loss of a Child: The Phone Call That Changed Everything
On 9 June 2023, Sheena received a phone call that split her life in two. Her 27-year-old daughter Lauren — an identical twin, a fashion graduate, and a makeup artist living in Auckland — had been hit by a car while crossing the street. Lauren was gone. Just like that, in the blink of an eye, Sheena's world had changed forever.
Surviving the loss of a child is something no parent should ever have to face. As Sheena describes it, it is unnatural. We are not meant to bury our children. The brain and body struggle to accept it, and for months, she found herself reliving the phone call over and over.
Lauren was vibrant, funny, and full of energy. She had fallen in love, was pursuing her dreams, and had her whole life ahead of her. The loss was sudden and devastating.
The Reality of Dealing with Sudden Loss and Emotional Exhaustion
Dealing with sudden loss brings its own particular kind of trauma. There is no preparation, no goodbye. One moment life is normal. The next, everything has changed.
Sheena describes the early months after Lauren's death as a blur of shock and emotional exhaustion. Most mornings, she would wake up and have to re-remember what had happened — going through the grief of losing Lauren again as reality set in. It wasn't a bad dream. It was real.
This is what grief brain does. It protects you temporarily, but the truth keeps breaking through. Sheena says she had to let herself feel it rather than constantly distracting from the pain.
Secondary Losses in Grief and the Cascade That Followed
One of the most powerful parts of this conversation is Sheena's explanation of secondary losses in grief. When someone dies, that is the primary loss. But grief rarely stops there. In the weeks and months after Lauren's death, Sheena experienced a cascade of secondary losses:
Her partner shut down emotionally and was unable to support her, leading to the loss of a relationship.
She had been living in his home, so she also lost her housing.
Her beloved dog Alfie became ill and had to be put down.
She was still fielding calls from debt collectors after the restaurant closure.
Each of these losses compounded the grief, pulling her energy in every direction. As Sheena describes it, you are trying to grieve, find somewhere to live, manage money, and make sense of a broken relationship — all at once.
Understanding How Trauma Affects the Brain During Loss
Sheena speaks openly about how trauma affects the brain and the body. Grief is exhausting. It shuts you down physically and mentally. Your brain, as she puts it, is in trouble — and it protects you by simply switching off.
She describes days when she couldn't get out of bed, couldn't shower, couldn't function. The grief counselling she accessed and the support of her doctor were critical. She was signed off with a medical certificate — multiple grief, trauma, and emotional overload happening at once.
This is an important message for anyone going through something similar. Trauma recovery is not linear, and there is no timeline. Pushing through without support can cause real harm.
How to Cope with Grief by Asking for Help
For Sheena, learning how to cope with grief meant learning to do something she had never been comfortable with — asking for help.
She had always been the strong one — the person others turned to. But after Lauren's death, she had nothing left to give. The biggest lesson? Being strong is not a medal of honour. Being vulnerable is strength.
A close friend — someone Sheena calls her "fairy godmother" — took her in for three months. Cups of tea, tissues, walks on the beach. As Sheena says, this woman saved her life.
She also walked into WINZ and asked for support — something she found incredibly hard but ultimately healing. The staff told her this was exactly what her taxes had been for.
These are Sheena's key coping mechanisms for the hardest period:
Accept that you cannot do everything alone
Let yourself feel the grief rather than constantly distracting from it
Be kind to yourself on the days you can't get out of bed
Lean on friends, family, and professional support
Understand that asking for help is not weakness — it is survival
The message is clear. You do not have to do this alone. The people who love you want to help — but only if you let them. And sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is simply say, "I'm not okay."
Overcoming Adversity by Finding Silver Linings
Sheena is honest that overcoming adversity requires a deliberate choice. Once she moved past the initial shock, she began actively choosing positivity over despair.
Our brains are wired for negativity bias — we naturally focus on what's wrong. Sheena made a conscious decision to look for silver linings instead. She would catch herself going down negative thought spirals and actively redirect her thinking.
One of the biggest silver linings has been her relationship with her surviving children. The bond with her daughter — Lauren's twin — and her son has deepened in ways that wouldn't have happened otherwise. The family dynamic shifted, and everyone had to relearn how to be together. But through that process, they became closer.
Look Good, Feel Good: The Suit of Armour
One of the most unexpected themes in this episode is Sheena's approach to self-presentation during grief. She didn't want to look the way she felt. So she made a choice to present the best version of herself — even on her worst days.
She calls it her "suit of armour." Red lipstick. A good outfit. The confidence to walk through town knowing people were watching and aware of what had happened. The look good, feel good philosophy wasn't vanity — it was survival.
Sheena also shares a philosophy that has stayed with her since Lauren's death: stop saving things for best. Wear the nice earrings. Put on the bright colours. Life is short, and Lauren — a fashion lover who always wore exactly what she wanted — would have wanted it that way.
This is something Stephanie Rumble is deeply passionate about too. As a professional fashion stylist and confidence coach at Bright Red, Stephanie sees firsthand how self-presentation affects our energy, our self-belief, and our ability to face the world. Whether it's a colour consultation, a wardrobe audit, or simply rediscovering your personal style, the connection between how you look and how you feel is real.
Starting Over in Your 50s: Where Sheena Is Now
The interview takes a forward-looking turn as Sheena shares where she is in 2026. Starting over in your 50s — or in Sheena's case, rebuilding yet again — is a theme that runs throughout her life. She has done it after her marriage, after the earthquake, and now after the worst loss imaginable.
Today, Sheena is the Christchurch business manager for Ultimate Stays, a holiday property management company now launching in Christchurch. She is also writing a memoir about her journey and using speaking engagements to share her story.
She was recently featured in Metropol magazine with an article titled "Surviving the Unsurvivable" which generated overwhelming feedback from readers who had experienced similar loss. Sheena wants something good to come from Lauren's death — and helping others feel heard and less alone is exactly that.
How to Find Meaning After Loss
Sheena's story is ultimately about how to find meaning after loss. Not by pretending the pain doesn't exist, but by choosing — day by day — to put one foot in front of the other and move toward something purposeful.
She didn't set out to become a public speaker or grief advocate. But she has the ability to communicate and connect, and she sees that as a responsibility. Not everyone would choose to share their story publicly — and Sheena is clear there is no obligation to. But for her, using her voice to help others is what gives Lauren's death meaning.
If her story can make even one person feel less alone, then something good has come from the worst thing that ever happened to her.
Final Thoughts
Sheena Hemens' story is not just about getting through hard times. It is about getting through the unsurvivable — and finding a way to live fully on the other side.
From navigating identity and belonging as a child, to surviving the loss of a child and facing secondary losses in grief, Sheena has been knocked down repeatedly. Each time, she has rebuilt — not by pretending to be strong, but by being honest about her pain, asking for help, and choosing to look for light in the darkest moments.
Her advice is simple but powerful. Feel the grief. Accept help. Look for the silver linings. Present your best self to the world — not because everything is fine, but because it gives you the armour to keep going. And don't save things for best. Life is short, and the people we love would want us to live it fully.
At Bright Red, Stephanie Rumble works with people every day who are navigating change and rebuilding confidence. Sheena's story is a reminder that how we show up for ourselves — inside and out — matters more than we think.
If Sheena's story has resonated with you, or if you are going through your own hard season, you are not alone. Reach out, ask for help, and remember — being vulnerable is strength. You can learn more about Sheena's journey on her personal website or connect with her on LinkedIn.
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Frequently Asked Questions
What are some positive ways of getting through hard times?
Getting through hard times starts with giving yourself permission to feel what you're feeling, without judgement. Small, consistent steps — like reaching out to a friend, keeping a routine, or simply getting dressed each day — can make a genuine difference over time. Surrounding yourself with people who care, accepting support when it's offered, and focusing on what you can control rather than what you can't are all powerful ways to move forward.
What are secondary losses in grief and how can you manage them?
Secondary losses are the additional losses that follow a primary bereavement — things like the breakdown of a relationship, loss of housing, financial stress, or changes in family dynamics. Recognising them for what they are is the first step, because it helps you understand why grief can feel so overwhelming. Managing them means being patient with yourself, seeking practical support where you can, and understanding that each loss deserves its own space and attention.
How can asking for help make a difference during grief?
Asking for help is one of the most powerful things you can do when you're struggling. It opens the door to support you may not even realise is available — from friends, family, professionals, or community services. As Sheena shares in this episode, she spent years being the strong one before learning that true strength lies in vulnerability. Letting others in doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're giving yourself the best chance of healing.
How does self-presentation help with confidence during difficult times?
What you wear and how you present yourself can have a real impact on how you feel inside. Sheena describes dressing well during grief as her "suit of armour" — a way to face the world with confidence even when she was struggling. It's not about vanity. It's about giving yourself a foundation of self-respect to build on each day. If you're looking for support with your personal style, a colour consultation or wardrobe audit can be a great place to start.
What does it mean to find silver linings after loss?
Finding silver linings doesn't mean ignoring the pain or pretending everything is fine. It means choosing to notice the good that exists alongside the grief — a closer bond with your children, a deeper appreciation for small moments, or the discovery of inner strength you didn't know you had. Sheena found that actively looking for positives helped counter the negativity bias our brains are naturally wired for, and it became a key part of her recovery.
How can women supporting women in business make a real difference?
A single act of encouragement from another woman can change the entire direction of someone's career. In Sheena's case, it was a businesswoman who believed in her and became her first client. That kind of support — whether it's mentorship, a referral, or simply saying "you can do this" — creates a ripple effect. When women invest in each other's potential, it builds stronger businesses and stronger communities.
What are some healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with grief?
Healthy coping mechanisms include allowing yourself to feel the grief rather than suppressing it, maintaining small daily routines, staying connected with people who care about you, and seeking professional support such as grief counselling when you need it. Physical wellbeing matters too — rest, gentle movement, and fresh air can all help. The key is to be kind to yourself and accept that healing takes time.
How can you start over and rebuild your life after a major loss?
Starting over begins with accepting where you are, rather than where you think you should be. Sheena has rebuilt her life multiple times — after her marriage, after the Christchurch earthquake, and after losing her daughter. Each time, the process started with small, intentional steps: finding purpose, leaning on her support network, and staying open to new opportunities. Rebuilding doesn't mean forgetting what happened. It means choosing to move forward with what you've learned.
How does grief affect the brain and body?
Grief is physically and emotionally exhausting. It can affect your sleep, concentration, memory, and energy levels. Your brain may go into a protective mode — what some people call "grief brain" — where it struggles to process everyday tasks. This is a normal response to trauma, and it's important to give yourself grace during this time. Professional support, rest, and patience are essential parts of recovery.
Why is sharing your story important for healing?
Sharing your story can be a powerful part of the healing process — both for yourself and for others who may be going through something similar. As Sheena explains, she didn't set out to become a speaker or advocate, but she felt called to use her voice because she could. When others told her they felt heard and seen through her story, it gave Lauren's life and death deeper meaning. Not everyone will choose to share publicly, and that's perfectly fine. But for those who do, it can be a source of genuine connection and purpose.
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