How to Master Conflict De-Escalation in the Workplace
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Understanding the Importance of Conflict De-Escalation
Using Proven De-Escalation Techniques
Learning How to Manage Conflict with Self-Awareness
Recognising and Responding to Workplace Conflict
Strategies for Managing Difficult People
Responding to Passive-Aggressive Behaviour
The Role of Grounding Techniques in Emotional Control
Why Workplace Wellbeing Depends on Emotional Safety
In this powerful episode of the Style for Life Podcast, Stephanie Rumble, a fashion stylist, educator, and conflict trainer, shares her unique insights into conflict de-escalation. Drawing on experience from over 300 workplace training sessions, Stephanie breaks down how to recognise and respond to moments of heightened emotion with clarity and control.
This article unpacks the episode into actionable strategies, aligning closely with Stephanie's expertise and the needs of modern workplaces. Whether you're a team leader, educator, or customer-facing professional, these tools can enhance your confidence, emotional control, and ability to lead through difficult conversations.
Understanding the Importance of Conflict De-Escalation
Workplace tension is inevitable, but escalation isn’t. Conflict de-escalation is the process of calmly diffusing high-stakes situations before they spiral out of control. It's not just about staying calm; it's about regaining control of your emotional state and guiding others back to a space of reason.
Stephanie teaches that de-escalation begins with self-awareness. Before you can calm a situation, you must first calm yourself. This is especially important in environments where customers, clients, or colleagues may express stress or frustration.
Training in conflict de-escalation gives staff the tools to handle:
Emotionally charged conversations.
Aggressive or inappropriate behaviour.
Personal triggers and stress responses.
By introducing these skills, teams can avoid unnecessary friction, preserve morale, and maintain professional credibility even in the most difficult conversations. These skills also foster an environment where employees feel safe, supported, and better equipped to resolve issues collaboratively. To learn more about this in a professional setting, see our conflict de-escalation training page.
What Is Conflict Management
Conflict management is a broader concept than de-escalation. It refers to the proactive strategies, systems, and communication tools used to prevent and handle disputes effectively within organisations.
Stephanie draws a clear line between personal reaction and professional response. A major part of her training involves recognising the difference between reacting out of emotion and responding with intention.
Effective conflict management requires:
Policy frameworks and clear boundaries.
Leadership modelling appropriate behaviour.
Regular training to maintain calm and consistency.
Beyond structured processes, effective conflict management also involves a cultural shift. When emotional safety is normalised, people are more likely to engage in open, honest, and constructive dialogue. Stephanie encourages organisations to treat conflict as something to be understood, not feared. With this mindset, organisations can address problems early and build a culture of resilience.
Using Proven De-Escalation Techniques
During the episode, Stephanie outlines several highly effective de-escalation techniques that can be used both at work and at home. These are grounded in neuroscience and proven to calm the nervous system.
“You need to decide to employ a technique, to bring yourself back and bring your frontal lobe back on online.” ~ Stephanie Rumble
Some of the most impactful techniques include:
1. Controlled Breathing Exercises
Use the "9-second rule": Inhale for 3 seconds, hold for 3, exhale for 3.
Focus especially on the outgoing breath, which activates the parasympathetic nervous system.
Helps switch the brain from emotion to logic.
Breathing exercises are deceptively simple but immensely powerful. When used regularly, they not only lower immediate stress but also retrain the body’s automatic responses over time. Stephanie emphasises that the goal is not just to "calm down", but to consciously shift from reactivity to intentionality.
2. Grounding Techniques
Tune into your senses: what can you feel, see, smell, and hear?
Helps to re-engage the frontal lobe and move out of survival mode.
In moments of tension, our brains can disconnect from the present. Grounding brings us back. It’s especially effective for those who experience sensory overload or anxiety during conflict. Over time, these grounding techniques build inner resilience and make it easier to stay present.
3. Self-Soothing Tactics
Place a hand on your chest or arm to re-establish the mind-body connection.
Can stop the cascade of cortisol and return emotional stability.
“Just bringing yourself back to your senses can be a really good way of bringing your frontal lobe back into action as well.” ~ Stephanie Rumble
Self-soothing taps into the nervous system in a gentle, reassuring way. Stephanie notes that simple touch-based techniques can be enough to interrupt amygdala hijack and allow space for clarity to return.
These de-escalation techniques are not only simple but fast-acting. Used consistently, they retrain your brain to stay calm under pressure and give you an edge in professional communication.
Learning How to Manage Conflict with Self-Awareness
Stephanie outlines a three-part structure for learning how to manage conflict:
You: Manage yourself first. Use calming techniques.
Them: Respond to the other person with calm and empathy.
After: Debrief and support your mental health.
This model allows individuals to interrupt escalation patterns before they explode. The podcast dives deeply into recognising personal emotional regulation patterns and choosing responses consciously. A key insight? You choose to be wound up. Identifying your own triggers empowers you to take control.
“You can’t deal with a conflict situation if you are wound up.” ~ Stephanie Rumble
When you understand what sets you off and have tools to respond rather than react, you reclaim your power in difficult situations. Stephanie reminds us that while we can’t control others, we can always control ourselves. That’s where real leadership begins.
Developing emotional intelligence—the ability to recognise, understand, and manage your emotions and the emotions of others—is a vital part of this journey. As your emotional awareness increases, so does your capacity to de-escalate with empathy and purpose.
Recognising and Responding to Workplace Conflict
Workplace conflict often arises not from big blow-ups but from repeated misunderstandings, passive aggression, and poor emotional control.
Common triggers include:
Increased workload or unclear responsibilities.
Personality clashes or misaligned values.
Perceived lack of recognition or fairness.
“The very first thing you need to do is identify what your triggers are.” ~ Stephanie Rumble
These issues don’t always present as shouting matches. Sometimes they manifest as disengagement, resentment, or resistance to collaboration. Recognising the early signs of workplace conflict is critical to preventing escalation.
Stephanie stresses that in the early stages, conflict resolution is about listening, empathising, and taking the emotion out of the situation. This means acknowledging the issue without assigning blame. She encourages using silence strategically and listening fully before responding. This type of professional communication sets the tone for calm and resolution. It also builds trust and safety, which are essential ingredients for a healthy workplace culture.
Strategies for Managing Difficult People
We all encounter people who trigger us. Stephanie provides clear guidance on managing difficult people without letting them throw you off-centre.
Tactics include:
Removing the person from a triggering environment.
Acknowledging their frustration without inflaming it.
Asking calm, clear questions to refocus the conversation.
These techniques aren’t just about avoiding conflict. They’re about creating conditions where calm conversation is possible. Managing difficult people means choosing to stay anchored even when others aren’t.
“Remember, no one winds you up. You choose to be wound up by what they’re saying, right?” ~ Stephanie Rumble
Stephanie stresses the importance of emotional boundaries. Just because someone else is escalated doesn’t mean you need to be. With enough practice, these techniques become second nature and protect your energy. It’s important to note that passive-aggressive behaviour can be just as damaging as overt aggression. Spotting it early and addressing it directly—with calm professionalism—is key.
Responding to Passive-Aggressive Behaviour
Passive-aggressive behaviour is subtle but toxic. It often masks resentment, resistance, or disengagement.
Stephanie explains that this might look like:
Saying "I’m fine" when clearly not.
Agreeing in words but resisting in actions.
Withholding information or cooperation.
Rather than ignoring it, Stephanie suggests:
Describing the behaviour neutrally ("I noticed you didn't follow up on X").
Asking questions rather than making accusations.
Maintaining calm to avoid feeding emotional fire.
“Aggressive is where you put out your needs and you just don’t care about what anyone else thinks...” ~ Stephanie Rumble
These responses work because they address the behaviour without escalating the emotion. By taking the emotion out and responding with grounded professionalism, trust and clarity can often be restored.
“Passive aggressive is when they say one thing and do another.” ~ Stephanie Rumble
Addressing passive-aggressive behaviour requires both courage and compassion. It’s not always easy. But it’s often necessary to restore integrity and openness in teams.
The Role of Grounding Techniques in Emotional Control
When tension rises, the body goes into survival mode. This is where amygdala hijack kicks in. Your rational brain switches off, and your fight response, flight response, or freeze response takes over.
“Fight mode is where someone sees something you don’t like and you just wanna answer straight back.” ~ Stephanie Rumble
Grounding techniques are one of the fastest ways to re-engage the frontal lobe and return to rational, present-moment thinking.
Stephanie’s favourite grounding practices include:
Focusing on your feet in your shoes.
Counting the objects around you.
Naming 5 things you can see, hear, or feel.
These techniques not only help in the moment. They also build a habit of emotional resilience over time. When used regularly, they become part of your mental hygiene. This helps you stay in control no matter how intense the situation becomes. Understanding this neurological process makes it easier to forgive yourself for past reactivity. It also motivates you to shift into responsive behaviour moving forward.
Why Workplace Wellbeing Depends on Emotional Safety
One of the final messages in the podcast is that true workplace wellbeing is directly tied to how conflict is handled.
Unchecked conflict creates ripple effects:
Reduced trust among colleagues.
High stress and emotional fatigue.
Physical symptoms linked to cortisol and stress.
Stephanie reminds us that post-conflict support is essential. Adrenaline and cortisol don’t vanish instantly. Taking time to debrief, breathe, and regulate is key for long-term wellbeing.
When emotional safety is prioritised, people show up as their best selves. They communicate better, collaborate more freely, and contribute to a healthier organisational culture. True workplace wellbeing isn’t just about perks. It’s about how people feel. You can also deepen your team’s understanding of wellness and emotional regulation with Stephanie’s managing workplace stress workshops, designed to support resilience and mental wellbeing across organisations.
Final Thoughts
Conflict de-escalation is not about avoidance. It’s about meeting tension with awareness, control, and skill. As Stephanie Rumble shares, every person can learn to manage their emotional state and improve how they respond to others.
From understanding the amygdala hijack to incorporating breathing exercises, this episode delivers practical tools for managing your own responses and improving team dynamics.
When combined with a thoughtful approach to conflict resolution, assertive communication, and empathy, these tools can transform how individuals and teams navigate difficult moments.
If you work in leadership, education, service, or health and safety roles, these are essential skills. With regular practice, they don’t just de-escalate conflict. They build confidence, credibility, and a more resilient workplace culture.
To learn more about Stephanie’s broader approach to workplace development, visit the Bright Red's education page or explore the range of speaking services available for corporate events, conferences, and team training sessions.
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Frequently Asked Questions
What are the early signs of workplace conflict?
Subtle signs of workplace conflict can include disengagement, reduced communication, eye-rolling, sarcasm, or sudden resistance to collaboration. These often show up before any raised voices or formal complaints. Addressing them early can prevent escalation and maintain team morale.
How can I stay calm when someone is yelling?
Stephanie recommends using grounding and breathing techniques to remain composed. Focus on your breath, stay aware of your body, and don’t mirror the escalation. Remaining calm allows you to respond professionally rather than react emotionally.
What is the “You, Them, After” framework?
This is a conflict de-escalation model Stephanie teaches. You: regulate your own emotions first. Them: address the other person calmly. After: decompress, reflect, and restore your balance. It ensures that your response is intentional and not reactive.
How do breathing exercises help in conflict situations?
Breathing helps slow down your nervous system and brings your frontal lobe back online. It reduces the fight-or-flight response and gives you the space to think clearly and make good decisions in the moment.
What should I do after a conflict at work?
Even when a conflict seems resolved, your body may still carry stress. It’s important to decompress, reflect, and talk it out if needed. Stephanie reminds us that post-conflict support is essential to prevent emotional residue from impacting future interactions.
How do I respond to passive-aggressive colleagues?
Start by naming the behaviour without blame. For example, “I noticed you didn’t respond to the update.” Follow up with a question to understand their perspective. Stay calm and clear, and avoid sarcasm or defensiveness in your response.
Why does conflict de-escalation matter in leadership?
Effective leaders know how to manage emotions—their own and others'. By mastering de-escalation, leaders create emotionally safe environments that foster trust, accountability, and better outcomes.
Can I de-escalate a situation if I’m feeling triggered?
Yes, but it requires self-awareness and practice. Grounding techniques and breathing help you regain control. Recognising the trigger is the first step to choosing a calm, intentional response.
What if the other person refuses to calm down?
You can’t control someone else’s emotional state, but you can manage your own. If necessary, take a pause or step away. Return to the conversation once both parties are calm enough to communicate clearly.
Who can benefit from conflict de-escalation training?
Anyone who works with people: team leaders, HR professionals, customer service staff, educators, and frontline workers. Stephanie’s training helps build resilience, reduce harm, and support workplace wellbeing. Learn more by visiting the conflict de-escalation training page.
